I sat down to write a post about how fabulous this past weekend was, but I couldn’t. I kept getting stuck and wadding up paper after paper, starting over at every turn (okay, okay….so it wasn’t paper, but it was the delete button that I kept using over and over!). I couldn’t get my dear daughter’s words out of my head. I figured I better get them out here or I would risk the words getting stuck and continuing to strangulate my thoughts.
As I was tucking my almost 6 year old in last night, after what I thought was a pretty good weekend, she says to me, with tears in her eyes, ‘I wish you didn’t have so many meetings and I could spend more time with you.’ Ouch. Insert the knife coated with Mommy-guilt. Trying to recover from that blow, I say to her, ‘I know its hard when you are in school all day, you probably miss me. I miss you too.’ She thinks for second and says, “No. I just don’t like it when you go out so much.” Ah. Kids. Gotta love, em, right?
Now, I have seen my seemingly sweet daughter bring other people to their knees with her questions or observations, but I haven’t been on the receiving end too often (I am sure that will come in a few years!). My favorite was when she had a stare down and verbally challenged a local prosecutor. I am pretty sure said prosecutor was sweating nails and was anxious to back to her murder trial after encountering my daughter.
This line from the song, Kids, by The Features reminds me of her: They were born screaming. They had fire in their eyes. And its a kick-ass song from an band that kills it live! (If you live in Louisville, you catch them again on March 23 when they open for J. Roddy Walston at Headliners. I advise going!)
And do you know how much I LOVE that about my girl?! I LOVE that she is strong, self-confident and don’t hesitate to speak her mind. I wouldn’t change that for the world! She is exactly the type of girl I want her to grow into. My challenge is how to handle her right now.
I thought about trying to rationalize with her. I am a stay at home Mom. I am ALWAYS there to pick her up from school and I am ALWAYS there to take her to her music class. When I go out at night, it is usually only 30-60mins before her bedtime and when I can, I arrange it for after she is asleep. And my meetings are for things that help other people, like raising funds for scholarships to Bellarmine or helping to improve things at her school. Sure, I have my fun time in there and go to concerts and basketball games, but, I wanted to tell her, if I don’t get the me time you would be wishing I was gone more often! ha.
But, I didn’t. She is nearly 6 and wouldn’t really get it. And if that is how she feels, then that is how she feels. My first instinct was to clear my calendar and to make sure I am home every night. And then I thought better of it. That would make me miserable. I enjoy (usually!) being at home but part of that is because I try to balance everything and not completely lose myself and keep active in things I care about. I hope that I am being a good role model for my kids as they get older. And I hope that my skin gets a little thicker because I am sure I will hear more of these comments that cut to my core. :-S
last bit of sanity 